Yo soy La Lay

adventures in family, faith, and Down syndrome

Oh mama

on February 3, 2016

Oh mama, you’ve been thrown in the deep end now.  You, with that new little baby nestled in your arms, that little button nose popping out from that flat little bridge, you don’t know what just happened to your world.  It feels broken, I know.

You aren’t going to believe a word I tell you now, but that little fact never seems to stop us mommas anyway.  We’re firmly planted in the After.  You will get there.  I swear you will.

You can’t believe this has happened in your life, but it has.

You don’t understand how no one knew before… All those ultrasounds… No one knew.

No one knew.

You don’t feel equipped to do this. You tell yourself that this isn’t the life you wanted and you don’t know how you are going to manage.

You will manage… more than manage!  You already are. And you will look back and believe me someday.

There will be changes, yes.  Detours in the path.  New lingo to learn.  There is time, so much time.  Your life is moving forward, beautifully.  It’s too much now, but I assure you, it is beautiful.

There will be days when you will yearn to be treated like every other mom.  You will shout from the rooftops that you are “more alike than different!!”  You will balk at the notion that you walk a separate journey.  You will be fierce.

There will be days when just looking at families outside of this circle will make you sad.  Maybe even angry.  Your heart will beg for someone, anyone, to acknowledge that this shit is harder than people can possibly understand.  It’s nothing like what any of those ‘normal’ families deal with.  You will be annoyed.

You own these feelings, mama.  They are yours and they are right and you are just perfect.  Your child is perfect.  You have a new journey, and it will be hers and yours together for awhile, but then just hers and you… you will cheer from the sidelines.

You can, mama.  I swear, you can.  You will.  And so will she.

  

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3 responses to “Oh mama

  1. Jessica Rathman says:

    It’s me, procrastinating at work again! This particular post resonates so much with me right now. I am almost always in the camp of treat me and my family just like anyone else, more alike than different, etc. However, when Penny got sick and was in the hospital, I suddenly felt very overwhelmed by all the doctors visits, weekly therapies, etc. I am usually the type that just gets it done. But my nerves were shot from being in the hospital, and I really felt it, if that makes sense. About 2 days after we were home, and I was basking in how well Penny was recovering, and quickly getting back to our normal routine, a good friend reached out to a few friends via group text stressing about her boys having runny noses again, and how she just can’t take winter any longer. Keep in mind, she is a stay at home mom, and winter/being stuck indoors must be tough for her regardless of runny noses. I just couldn’t handle it. I was smart enough not to reply, but it irked me like nothing had before in my adult friendships. I kept thinking at least your kids weren’t hospitalized. Runny noses, you won’t even need a doc appointment for that. Do you know how many appointments we have this week alone? And I really felt resentment toward her for a few days. I kept this all to myself, and was over it in no time, but reading this today, and your line about sometimes feeling sad or angry when looking at other families, just made me feel a whole lot better about being so annoyed a few weeks ago. Thanks, Maggie! .

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