Yo soy La Lay

adventures in family, faith, and Down syndrome

Oh mama

Oh mama, you’ve been thrown in the deep end now.  You, with that new little baby nestled in your arms, that little button nose popping out from that flat little bridge, you don’t know what just happened to your world.  It feels broken, I know.

You aren’t going to believe a word I tell you now, but that little fact never seems to stop us mommas anyway.  We’re firmly planted in the After.  You will get there.  I swear you will.

You can’t believe this has happened in your life, but it has.

You don’t understand how no one knew before… All those ultrasounds… No one knew.

No one knew.

You don’t feel equipped to do this. You tell yourself that this isn’t the life you wanted and you don’t know how you are going to manage.

You will manage… more than manage!  You already are. And you will look back and believe me someday.

There will be changes, yes.  Detours in the path.  New lingo to learn.  There is time, so much time.  Your life is moving forward, beautifully.  It’s too much now, but I assure you, it is beautiful.

There will be days when you will yearn to be treated like every other mom.  You will shout from the rooftops that you are “more alike than different!!”  You will balk at the notion that you walk a separate journey.  You will be fierce.

There will be days when just looking at families outside of this circle will make you sad.  Maybe even angry.  Your heart will beg for someone, anyone, to acknowledge that this shit is harder than people can possibly understand.  It’s nothing like what any of those ‘normal’ families deal with.  You will be annoyed.

You own these feelings, mama.  They are yours and they are right and you are just perfect.  Your child is perfect.  You have a new journey, and it will be hers and yours together for awhile, but then just hers and you… you will cheer from the sidelines.

You can, mama.  I swear, you can.  You will.  And so will she.