Yo soy La Lay

adventures in family, faith, and Down syndrome

DSAM17 – Day 17 – Internal Conflict, Part One

on October 17, 2017

I never expected to feel conflicted about expectations.

In the early days, I clearly recall clinging to every “normal” occurance in her life.  I remember being laser-focused on how she would break down barriers or beat the odds.  When she rolled from belly to back at 3 weeks old, I was certain that she wouldn’t be a late walker.  She would not be like those other kids!  She would be a rock star!

And then there was the 12 month slump.  At the age of one, when I could no longer ignore that there were some parts of development that were lagging, panic set in.  What if she never walks?  How much more therapy can we add?  What other resources can we provide?

In time, I started to feel bad about these thoughts.  What kind of pressure was I putting on my child if her worth was in how quickly she was able to check off the boxes on the list of milestones?  Suddenly, my internal conflict about the need to be normal was really uncomfortable.  

Here’s the thing: Tessa is amazing… and it has nothing to do with her speech or her movement.  Nothing about meeting milestones makes her a rockstar.  Whether she gets married someday or not, attends college or not, decides to live on her own or with me, she is wonderful and she is worthy.

And so is Ellie.  And so is Lauren.

There is a peace in our home that comes from understanding that whatever her path may be, she is important.  This is not the conclusion that I expected to arrive at on that late December day, but it has made all the difference. ❤️

Vintage Tessa… sitting in a high chair at a restaurant for the first time.  Age unknown.

One response to “DSAM17 – Day 17 – Internal Conflict, Part One

  1. Jan Anderson says:

    Loving these reads, Maggie@

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