Yo soy La Lay

adventures in family, faith, and Down syndrome

On abandonment

on February 7, 2015

We’ve all seen the latest story that is trending on Facebook… you know the one, the story of the father who is (allegedly) choosing to raise his son, diagnosed with Down syndrome at birth, in spite of the mother’s choice to (allegedly) abandon the child.  You can google the story if you haven’t seen it already.  I honestly can’t decide if any of it is credible enough to merit a link.  What I will say is this:

I will not demonize the mother for the choice that she seems to have made, nor will I canonize the father for taking his son to New Zealand in search of better opportunities.

While the choice to leave my child to be adopted in the face of her diagnosis is clearly not the choice that I would make, understand that I am part of a strong and loving marriage, we aren’t rich, but we are comfortable enough, and we have the support of family and friends.  Sometimes, the most loving thing that a birth parent can do for her child is to recognize that she is not in a place to provide what is needed.  And there are many loving families desperate to welcome a child into their homes.

More importantly, I beg you, do not be naive enough to think that these very scenarios do not play out in hospitals across the United States.  Many doctors (thankfully, not mine) deliver diagnoses like these as if they are devastating, miserable, horrific occasions.  It’s not just Down syndrome – any deviation from the neurotypical path is scary, but it does not have to be a death sentence.  And while the gender of the ‘parent who stayed’ is often reversed, there are relationships that fall apart in the face of all kinds of adversity – including the strain of a child with special needs.

We will commend the father for providing for his son, but have we abandoned our own?  Will we invite the little boy with Down syndrome in our son’s class to his birthday party?  And then truly and genuinely allow ourselves to see him as just another 8-year-old boy?  Will we set up a playdate with the neighbor’s daughter who has autism?  Will we accept a child with a severe learning disability into our classrooms and do everything we can to support his desire to learn?  Do we refuse to abandon the children who live in our own community?  Without patronizing, without any air of superiority or feeling of having done a good deed… if you want to make a difference in this world, this is your chance.

Pray for the families that struggle under the strain of a world that has not yet found a way to embrace their child.

Encourage inclusion, acceptance, kindness, and compassion.

Let your actions serve as example to others.

Choose love.

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3 responses to “On abandonment

  1. Judy Lay says:

    Once again…I love you Maggie Lay.

  2. lisa170 says:

    From what I have read, her culture teaches her that anyone with any type of disability can only ever be a drain on society. Its awful but she’s essentially been brainwashed from birth to believe that there are no positives at all in raising a child with any disability. Its just a lack of education and understanding. I feel for her because this is still her son and everyone and everything she knows is telling her his existence is just misfortunate. I hope the father doesn’t give up on her and shows her how much this child brings to his life and she finds the strength to admit the love she would feel for her child.

  3. jenna says:

    Well said

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