So where’s my magnet?

by Maggie on August 17, 2014

Oh Ellie Bean, you sure can keep your momma on her toes.

So, we’re working on thank you notes for all of those who donated to our cause when Team Tessa ran in the Rock n’ Roll half back in in July. We decided to order some ridiculously cute magnets with Tessa on them to send our supporters.

Ellie takes a keen interest in helping me do most anything around the house, especially things that she really can’t easily help with. Like writing thank you notes…. There’s no clear way for her to help write letters to our family and friends, but after ~~more whining than I could handle~~ a little consideration, I decided that she could put the magnets into the envelopes.

At first, she was totally enthralled with these little pictures of her baby sister. But, as her interest in envelope-stuffing quickly waned, she decided to spread all fifty out across the table. “Look at all these cute little Tessas!!” she squealed, lining them all up in neat little rows. Until….

Cue dramatic music.

“So, Momma? Where is my magnet?”

Not upset, not mad, not annoyed. Just confused. And my brain just started to race… What to say, what to say?

We have made a decision that there isn’t a need for a sit-down conversation with Ellie about her sister’s genetic makeup. She’s a smart cookie, she hears us talking. We read her 47 Strings, she hears the words “Down syndrome,” and it’s just a part of our life. She doesn’t know what the difference is, or how it will change all of our lives, but she knows. So how do you explain this cause that we’re connected to, without diminishing the value of the child without a cause?

“Well Ellie, do you remember when we all wore our Team Tessa shirts and watched Daddy run a race?”

“Oh, yeah. Well, I choose this one. This one is mine.” (picks up a Tessa magnet and hops down from the chair)

And she walked away.

Oooooooookay. So my freak-out was unwarranted… this time.

I don’t worry about Ellie getting lost in the shuffle of having a sister with extra needs. Believe me, she makes herself the star of her universe with no problem. As we continue on our journey of this kind of “parenting on steroids,” there will be lots of tough conversations. Perhaps Tessa, too, will have “what about me?” questions.

Perhaps? Who am I kidding? Of course she will! I’ve never subscribed to the “equal is fair” philosophy. I know that each kid will require her own special type of parenting, but explaining any of that to the other is… tricky. Good thing I’m going to get lots of practice.

And now, cuteness…. (which is, somewhat ironically, pretty Tessa-heavy this time.)