One thing that I have noticed now, as the mom of a child with special needs, is the tummy flip-flops.
You know how sometimes, people say things or do things that cause a split second, literal gut reaction? Like when you see a cup of water about to fall over and you get a little flutter? Well, that happens to me more often now than it used to. A lot more. And for the silliest stuff.
Take for example, the palm-reading infographic that I came across on my Pinterest board today. I was looking through my pins for something related to animals to use with my Spanish 2 kids and found this:
You don’t have to know Spanish to tell that it’s a “cheat sheet” to reading a palm… which is something I don’t believe in anyway… but that’s beside the point. So, I’m looking at this infographic and suddenly, I remember Tessa’s straight little palmar crease (the marker that I studied and studied in the NICU) and I get a little flutter that says “Hey! Her palm is different! She probably can’t get her palm read! Can she??” And it’s not a good or bad or sad reaction, it just is.
Here are some other flip-flop moments:
-Listening to a mom tell me that her child would never get into college if she wasn’t selected for National Honor Society
-Any time I walk past a Special Ed teacher or the Vocational Ed classrooms
-Checking the “disabled” box for Tessa on our insurance forms
-Hearing kids called each other “dumb” or “stupid”
-Any mention of college savings plans.
Is this crazy?? A part of me thinks that I might be crazy, but the more rational side says that there is no way I’m alone in these sudden changes in perspective. I’m not bogged down by the feelings, they don’t upset me at all. They are just… there. Kind of like Down syndrome. It just is.
But if anyone else wants to tell me that they deal with the same thing, I’d love to hear about it. 😉
Yo soy La Lay 
Tess has the single crease? WOw… I was kind of looking forward to Baba’s special little hands, but she’s got boring ol’ creases like mine. I was also disappointed that there are no Brushfield Spots in her pretty brown eyes. haha…However, she DOES have the Sandal Toe and I love love love it. I celebrate everything I can find that makes her more-than-special. 😀
She does!! And the sandal toe… No Brushfield spots, though. I love it. Our girls rock.
Mr. Million had one of your stomach flip moments today, but I think it was more of a stomach drop through his shoes. He was marking another senior class’s creative writing and a boy had written a column style piece on why people shouldn’t call their special needs children cute, because they aren’t. He, very understandably, was pretty shaken up. Particularly because the boy in question is just the nicest kid and was responsible for giving the two of us a basket of goodies when he found out things weren’t going so well with the Peanut.
That’s a pretty blatant example, but I can imagine how all sorts of things would begin to pop up.
Yuck. I had a similar experience with a student who told me that people who flip burgers and bag groceries aren’t worth his time. It’s so hard for some people (especially teenagers!) to see beyond themselves.
Your post hits home. I have had these same feelings. Not sad.. not happy.. just feelings. They are so hard to describe. Love your post.
I have the same feelings, and my daughter has no diagnosis, because the doctor’s can’t figure out what all her issues fall under. I feel the flutter too, especially when people say, “well, what’s wrong with her?” and I can’t give them a clear answer because there hasn’t been a diagnosis. You’re not alone.
That has GOT to be frustrating beyond words… Hard to get answers when you don’t know what she’s dealing with.
Pretty sure those feelings are totally normal, although the palm reading might be a new one :o) I think you’ll have these feelings early on, but as she grows all the things she can do will take over the things that she might not be able to. With such a great family like she has, she can and will grow up to do something incredible. Have you seen this video? It’s on my bucket list to go to Tim’s Place!