Yo soy La Lay

adventures in family, faith, and Down syndrome

Dear Well-Meaning Friends who recommend the “other” stuff

Dear Well-Meaning Friends who recommend the Other Stuff,

I understand your sentiment, and I appreciate your thought, I really do.  There isn’t a week that goes by that we aren’t informed of something special just for Tessa and “kids like her.”  There’s a new church group just for kids with disabilities… there’s a program at the local dance studio for “special” little dancers… try out these new play groups, too!!

Sigh.

I get that these programs make places seem welcoming, and that to you, it feels like they are doing a good thing for the community.  It’s an effort made, and I really do understand the draw.  However, my perspective is a little different.  You see, to me, the notion that we need something special and separate is a tough pill to swallow.  As someone on the newer side of special needs, I can very distinctly remember recoiling in shock the first time someone suggested a special place for our special child.  I’m sure I smiled and nodded, probably said thank you so much, but in my brain, this:

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Is this me living in denial?  I don’t know why it has to be called that.  I don’t know why it makes people more comfortable to include by exclusion.  Because to me, that’s what special programs are all about.  They tells us that Tessa can’t be as good as the other kids, or can’t handle the speed of the program, or can’t be accommodated.

We don’t much like the word can’t in our house, most especially without trying it first.  So please excuse us while we insert ourselves into your regular community.   Thank you for your offer of a special opportunity, but for now, I think we will pass.  This might be uncomfortable, for us and for you.  Maybe I just hope it’s uncomfortable in that good way that means that all of us are growing and learning.  Because growing and learning is what we’re all about around here.

Thanks for your consideration,

Maggie

This is part of the 31 for 21 Blog Challenge – blogging every day for the the 31 days of Down Syndrome Awareness month.  To find out more about the challenge, and to see other blogs participating, click here.

This year’s theme has been inspired by the Down Syndrome Diagnosis Network’s #deardoctor campaign.  To see more #deardoctor letters, visit their Facebook page here.

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