Yo soy La Lay

adventures in family, faith, and Down syndrome

Lesson #27: Great nurses rock our world.

While we have had our share of nurses that didn’t make us swoon, Theresa and Jan are forever ingrained in my heart as Heaven-sent women who were exactly what I needed at exactly the right time.

Theresa met Tessa within her first minutes in the NICU.  They bonded right away because of their common given name (little known Tessa fact: she’s actually a Theresa) and very quickly, Theresa claimed Tessa as her patient.  Theresa was outgoing and athletic.  Tessa has been our little scooter/swimmer/mover since long before she was born.  These two were kindred spirits from the get-go.

Our new little baby, exhausted from a feeding 

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Within the days that followed, Theresa and I chatted (and chatted and chatted) about everything under the sun while we waited patiently for Tessa to be well enough to come home.  I told her about our family and Ellie’s crazy antics.  She shared stories of her childrens’ wrestling tournaments and other quirky behavior. We talked about the struggles of now being a mom of two.  She encouraged me to take breaks to enjoy my older daughter.  At times, there may have been a few tears, but goodness, did we laugh!!  On more than one occasion in the week we spent tucked into that little corner room, other nurses from the floor came by and shut our door because we couldn’t keep the volume down.  We got a lot of “looks.”

Totally worth it.

She was exactly what I needed.  Theresa loved my little girl immediately.  She forced no unsettling stereotypes on us.  She helped me feel normal during a very unusual time.

She came in on her day off (which happened to be Christmas Eve) to say goodbye as Tessa was discharged.  We all cried.

Home at last…

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Jan was a different kind of perfect nurse.

In April, I was frustrated.  Overwhelmed with a hectic schedule, not able to get my students back on track after my maternity leave, tired of being a Grad School/Track Coach widow, stir crazy for warm weather, broke, and cranky, pneumonia struck and we spent a well-documented week in the PICU (here is the start).

Pitiful.  😉

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When Jan was assigned to Tessa, I was a little worried.  She was no-nonsense.  She was pushy.  She was on duty for the next week with only 24 hours off.

She was exactly what we needed.

There was no pity.  There was no woe-is-me.  We were to get the baby well and get on it with.  Jan was caring and compassionate, but she was on a mission to get our girl discharged.  And so we did.

Freedom!!

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We are so fortunate to have been under the care of these amazing women.  While I pray that we don’t end up back in the hospital, if we do, I hope that we will be lucky enough to cross paths with these ladies again!

 

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Lesson #26: It still goes so fast

Someone told me that I would get a “prolonged” infant phase with Tessa.  I was assured that I would have more time to enjoy each stage because it would take longer for her to grow up.  And I’m sitting here today wondering who that person was, because they lied to me and I want to find them and tell them.

One hour old baby Tessa

IMG_3908Don’t get me wrong.  We are very, very much still in the infant phase.  Tessa is nothing like a typical ten-month-old baby.  I’m enjoying all the moments, but it still doesn’t feel like time has slowed.

One month old baby Tessa

IMG_4347You see, this weekend, a little tiny tooth popped through Tessa’s bottom gum.  And it kind of has me in a tizzy.  Because I really like her gummy grins  A lot.

Four month old baby Tessa

IMG_5028Five month old baby TessaIMG_5426It took us a little while to get them… and now I love each and every one.  And I know that it will still take a long time before we have a full on, toothy grin.  I just want a few more of these to savor for now…

Seven month old baby Tessa

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Nine month old baby TessaIMG_6276

Time is flying….

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Lesson #25: This is good for the Big Sister.

“But what about Ellie?” John asked, just a few moments after he met Tessa.  “This isn’t fair for her.  We’re gonna die someday, Mag, and this will be all on her.”

I had no response at the time, other than “oh well.”  But as a little time has passed, and we have reflected on where we are going, the realization that we have both come to is this:

We would do it for our siblings, too.

In reality, we have no idea what is in store for us.  But, Heaven forbid, if something were to happen to my brother or sister and they needed long term care, I’d do it in a heartbeat.  No questions asked.

Why would it be any different for these two?

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We had a little Indian Summer in the Chicago area today, so we visited a pumpkin farm that is run by a coworker of mine.  It was lovely.  🙂

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Once you get past Tessa’s sweetness, please note Ellie making a “corn angel” in the background here…IMG_7738 Family Fun in a giant corn storage container…IMG_7736   IMG_7734 photo 3 photo 1 It was the first year that Ellie was brave enough to touch the animals!photo 2IMG_7715Gotta love looking into the direct sunlight for a family photo… especially when the children are being particularly uninterested in a picture.IMG_7718

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Lesson #24: She’s just another leaf

I have had very few negative thoughts regarding Down syndrome.  But I’ll let you in on a little secret: for several hours after she joined our family, I was terrified about family pictures.  Somehow, in my brain, I had decided that family and friends would no longer want to take pictures with us because they would not want to have a picture of Tessa hanging on their living room wall.

This is, without a doubt, the most ridiculous thought that I have ever had, bar none.

(Except for maybe the night in college that I thought a bottle of Jack Daniels and some Dixie Cups would make for a good night.  But that’s a whole other story.)

Since she arrived, Tessa has been just another leaf on the family tree.  She’s different, but we all are.  And not one person in our family has taken her as anything less than that.

Being a part of the community of families with children with Down syndrome, I hear a lot of stories.  Most are positive.  Sometimes, however, a mom comes looking for advice on how to deal with family/friends who are struggling to accept her child.  There are families who refuse to acknowledge the baby, or who won’t hold it, or those who treat the child differently through words and actions.  My heart really aches for those families.  It also overflows with love and gratitude for my own.

(Just to clarify – when I say “my family,” I am talking about the whole dang thing, from both John’s side and mine.)

When Tessa was born, I did a really poor job of allowing other people to process our new situation in their own way.  No grieving was allowed on my watch.  Whether I should have let go of that control is a question for a different day, but in reality, I don’t think anyone would have grieved anyway.  Because this is how life really is:

Tessa has four doting grandparents, who love her fiercely and in completely different ways.  They are teachers, snugglers, cheerleaders, and many times, the glue that keeps John and I running smoothly when life is exceptionally busy.

She has aunts and uncles who hold her and play with her as they would any other child.  She adores them.  If there is one thing that we have learned about Tessa’s personality, it’s that once she has attached herself to you, her eyes will look so deep into your eyes that you’ll swear she’s looking right at your soul.  All of her aunts and uncles get those looks.

Tessa’s cousins make her giggle. They poke and prod her, motivating her to get moving.  They give her kisses and pull her hair and sit on her and take her toys just like they would with any other child.

I could not ask for more.

(this pic was taken by my fabulous cousin, Jessica.  It’s blurry now for lots of reasons. 😉 )wdowiarz pic

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Lesson #22: We take our colds very seriously.

Sitting in the doctor’s office, staring at the little yellow box.  It keeps beeping.  Tessa’s kicking the nurse, willing her to leave her finger alone.  We wait (im)patiently for the reading to appear and it doesn’t seem to be in any rush to do so.  There are fewer moments these days that feel longer than the ones that separate you from a potential hospital stay.

This time, the reading was good.

Sinus infection.  Pink eye.  Round of antibiotics.  Have a nice day!

Colds are a challenge for some children with Down syndrome.  There are a few reasons for that – smaller airways and sinus cavities, low muscle tone (slowing becoming the bane of our existence), which makes it a challenge to build enough strength to cough out the gunk…  All I know is that I’m not interested in another stay in the PICU.  So, I’ve become the hyper-vigilant Mother Bear that I was trying so hard to avoid.

When Ellie was younger, I had no fear about her catching a few minor colds.  Is that odd?  It’s not like I hoped that she would feel crummy or that she would have to deal with the symptoms.  Goodness knows that the sleepless nights weren’t thrilling.  I was just all about building up her immunity while she was young and exposing her to colds is one way to do that.  In no way is this my approach with Tessa.  I have no interest in exposure.  We aren’t living in a bubble, nor do I expect every person who has a sniffle to stay away, but I’m certainly more cautious about who holds the baby.  I would never (Never.) have taken Ellie to the doctor for the cold symptoms that Tessa displayed today.  But this is a whole new ballgame, isn’t it?

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(By the way.. do you see the new greenish paint in my kitchen??  LOVE it.)

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Lesson #21: Unintentional Ableism

Ableism – a set of practices and beliefs that assign inferior value (worth) to people who have developmental, emotional, physical or psychiatric disabilities.

We would love to see Tessa break down barriers, exceed expectations, go beyond anyone’s wildest predictions of what she will accomplish in her lifetime.  John and I have no preconceived notions for what she will do with her life. Full inclusion through high school?  Why not?  Go to college?  OK!  Open a restaurant like Tim’s Place?  Dandy!  Star in a TV show like Glee?  Great!  We set no limits on her potential and watch to see what happens.  Hopefully, that is a powerful force in her life that pushes her to do her best.

She might not do any of those things.

The reality of our future with Tessa (and with any child, really) is that we have no way to predict what will come as she grows.  It is certainly our responsibility, as parents, to teach our children to live to their full potential.  However, we cannot pass judgement on what that potential is.

There is still value in the life of an adult who bags groceries at the local supermarket.

There is still value in the life of an adult who lives with his parents and takes public transportation to a minimum-wage job.

There is still value in the life of an adult who “makes your french fries.”

(On a side note, I just need to vent for one second about the statement “well, someone has to make my fries.” There is nothing wrong with making french fries.  And yes, someone really does have to make them for you unless you plan on climbing into the drive-thru window at McDonald’s and making them yourself.  So why do we need to use this as a sarcastic comment to mock a person’s intellectual ability?  Just wondering.)

Being successful has nothing to do with money.  It has nothing to do with power.  It has nothing to do with influence or intelligence or ability or stuff.  It has everything to do with abounding love, kindness to the most unkind people, friendship, compassion, and contributing in the best way that one can.

I get that now.

Truth.

This is part of the 31 for 21 Blog Challenge!

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Lesson #20: Developmental Therapy is a thing

This is part of the 31 for 21 Blog Challenge!

Pre-Tessa, I had heard of Physical therapy, speech therapy, and even OT wasn’t completely lost on me.  However, Developmental therapy (DT) is a totally new concept.

We get DT once a month, but now that Tessa is sitting, we will increase to once a week in November-ish.  A developmental therapist is kind of like Tessa’s first teacher.  She works with her on intellectual development – concepts like “in and out,” cause and effect, object permanence, all that fun stuff.  During sessions, we play with toys and watch to see how Tessa interacts with her environment.  In the beginning, we worked on getting her eyes to track objects and to show interest in faces, then toys.  Our DT also works with our family to get us connected to the Down syndrome community.  We talk about our own emotional development, our concerns and frustrations… I don’t know if this is in her job description, but Shannon has been a bit of a social worker along with Tessa’s DT.  🙂

Right now, our major hurdle has been Tessa’s startle response.  When anyone (besides Ellie, that is) laughs loudly, Tessa displays the same kind of reaction that you might see in a child who was just given a shot.  Sweet little pouty face, big fat tears…. She has the same reaction to dogs barking.  Other loud noises don’t affect her at all.  We sit right next to our Praise Team (essentially, a band) in church and she has no negative response to the music.  When we play peek-a-boo with her, she often cries when we reveal our faces.  Some strong smells bother her as well.  I know that many people who interact with Tessa feel bad when she gets upset.  However, it’s important for them to know that we would rather teach Tessa to react appropriately than to create an environment in which she doesn’t have to deal with this stuff.

Sometimes, children with Down syndrome can have a sensory processing disorder that causes them to struggle with different types of input.  We don’t necessarily think this is something that Tessa is dealing with, but it’s certainly part of our conversation about her development.  It’s something that we will continue to work on with her DT and also in occupational therapy.

Soon, Tessa will be at four therapies a week.  Sometimes, that can feel like a lot.  Right now, two therapies (Speech/OT) are at daycare and two (PT/DT) are at home.  We just recently changed her Speech time so that I could potentially be there to help out with that.  Recently, she hasn’t been able to get through a session of speech without crying uncontrollably or shutting down and going to sleep, so we hope that my presence will help her manage her feelings better.  So far, it has worked.  I don’t know if it is realistic to think that front-loading all of the therapy will help her in the long run or not, but if nothing else, the consistency in our weekly routine is nice.  Plus, the therapists give some really great tips for working with Ellie, too.  She is more work than her sister most days!!

Still cute when she cries.

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Lesson #19: Occupational Therapy: No occupation required

The most recent addition to Tessa’s therapy regimen is Occupational Therapy (OT). Around six months, we noticed that Tessa wasn’t really engaging her hands. In fact, she spent most of her time with her hands balled up tightly in fists. There was very little reaching for objects and if she actually got hold of something, it was released almost immediately. At her IFSP review, we all agreed that it was time to add weekly OT.

OT focuses more on the fine motor skills required to function. Since starting with Kate, Tessa’s therapist, we have seen great strides in her ability to use her hands. She will reach for toys and play with them. She plays with her toes. When on her belly, she will use her arms to push up. Most of the time when she does that, she has her hands open.

We are still fighting with her left hand. She has a tendency to keep a couple of her fingers curled up when she’s pushing up onto hands and knees. She grabs more frequently with her right, using her left to stabilize her body. In therapy, we work a lot with engaging the left. Her issues are small, but on the radar.

OT is one of the therapies that Tessa gets at daycare, so I don’t have a lot of info about what a session might look like. However, Kate sends me detailed notes so that I can see how she did. Right now, just like in PT, we are working on sitting and playing with objects. We have to get Tessa to build strength in her core so that she can stop counting on her hands for stabilization. Kate puts her in a lot of different positions (belly, knees/hands, sitting, etc) and then uses different toys to motivate Tessa to reach for them. We’re also working on getting Tessa to hold her own bottle.

OT, PT, and Speech are once a week for an hour. The last therapy, saved for tomorrow, is Developmental Therapy. More on that tomorrow!

Sitting at 6 months (see the hands?!)

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Sitting now… Progress! (Also, the only happy Bears fan in the USA today)

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Lesson #18: Little babies can do Speech therapy!

This is part of the 31 for 21 Blog Challenge!

So, first of all, this happened:

photo 1 (6)Ellie was enthralled with her potty costume… Once her cousin Jimmy came over dressed as Curious George, it was over.  Somehow, Ellie convinced him to shed his costume so that she could wear it and then the two of them had a grand ol’ time pretending to use the potty.  Kids are weird.

A rough transition here…. on to Speech.

It was very perplexing to me that we could start Speech therapy on a 6-week-old baby.  However, with Tessa unable to take her bottle in an upright position, we were set up with a type of Speech therapist who specializes in Oral-Motor therapy.  Oral-Motor therapy teaches a child awareness, coordination, and strength of the muscles of the mouth (all related to that low muscle tone that we keep talking about).

(On a side note, because I know some are curious, no, my children have not really been nursed.  Ellie got 5 days and Tessa got 12.  That’s a whole other story.)

During a therapy session, we work a lot on building strength in her core muscles.  When you think about eating, you use muscles throughout your abdomen, neck, and head to eat effectively.  One of the ways that we can improve Tessa’s eating skills is to build strength throughout her body so that she will be stable when she is sitting and can begin to use her hands to move food to her mouth.  This part of the session focuses on sitting and bringing toys to the mouth.

We also work on direct input to the mouth itself.  We started by providing input with a tool like this:

We use it to teach her tongue and gums what different textures and pressures feel like.  We also work on stimulating her tongue to move around the mouth to react to food.  Lately, we have graduated to putting small crumbs of graham cracker or animal cracker on the sides of her mouth so that she learns to move the food and to swallow it.

We always end our session with feeding.  Well, I shouldn’t say always.  Sometimes, Tessa gets really mad when she doesn’t get fed first.  And sometimes, she decides that she has had enough and just closes her eyes and goes to sleep.  However, we like to do some “spoon work” with the therapist when Tessa will let us.  🙂  We have found that a forward-facing presentation of the spoon (how you or I would put a spoon in our mouth) is challenging for her, so we present the spoon sideways.  However, we also continue to work on the forward presentation.  We are teaching her to get the food off the spoon and swallow.  She also has a habit of sticking her tongue out while she eats, so we have to wait until she puts her tongue in the right place before allowing her to take a bite.  Remember that a tongue is made up of a lot of different muscles, so her low muscle tone affects her ability to keep it in the appropriate place and use it effectively.

Our next steps with Tessa are to introduce a straw cup (recommended over a sippy cup) and to slowly increase the variety of textures that she will tolerate. We have begun to work on the actual “speech” part of Speech therapy with practice mimicking noises,  We have introduced signs for more, all done, eat, and drink.

The most important thing to remember is that while we have made modifications for Tessa and we do have to make a conscious effort to teach her some skills that may come naturally to others, our life is not work.  We don’t live in a constant therapy session, always practicing, practicing, practicing.  When we can, we do these things.  That is all.  There are weeks when we do a lot of practice.  Sometimes, we don’t.  Eventually, we’ll get there.

An excellent resource that I have just started to dive into is Early Communication Skills for Children with Down Syndrome.  Click on the blue link to find it on Amazon.

Blurry, but perfect…

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Lesson #17: Life doesn’t revolve around blogging

This is part of the 31 for 21 Blog Challenge!

In under two hours, we are having a Halloween Party.  My house is a disaster, food is half made, my costume needs serious ironing…

I adore blogging.  Writing is wonderfully cathartic for me and my family and friends seem to like hearing about my crazy family.  But I have to live away from the computer screen sometimes.  Like this time.

You’ll get your Speech lesson tomorrow.  For now, I’ve got some serious housekeeping to take care of.  🙂

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